To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
