She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
