Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
