He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
