do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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