every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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