She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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