there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
