I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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