Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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