I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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