Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
