I will die if light touches me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ladies don't puke and tell
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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