Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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