Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
