YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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