Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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