you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
