Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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