I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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