Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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