Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
