Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
