I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
