why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need a beard to bite.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
