and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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