just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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