Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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