Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
