did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
