Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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