I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
