im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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