and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
