i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
