just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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