I don't think brook has ever known best
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
