So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
