Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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