Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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