this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
