I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
