HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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