im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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