ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Still dying that you shit outside
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
