Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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