she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
