Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yo dont text me then not text me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
