yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
