I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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