If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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