Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
