She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
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