I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
