Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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