Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
