I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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