The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
