his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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