Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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