I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
