I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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