shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
being pregnant is like rehab
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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