I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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