...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i barfeds in our rink
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
