I cannot find my penis.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
