I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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