ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
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you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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