Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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