well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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